The quest for the perfect chat up line is complete. The final pieces that have given its magic potency being revealed thanks to a flyer on my doorstep. 'Dr.Croc's Love Medicine: Turns Leathery Men into Lotharios; All Men Will Become Intergalactic Lovers'. This was just what I had been needing without knowing it, some expert advice. I picked it up and read on.
'Dr.Croc's has spent Years creating his Patented FORMULA. He has consulted Buddhist Savants in the Himalayas, Mayan ancestors in DARKEST PERU, the great Brahmas of India and attending many STRANGE RITUALS to gain this recipe. From each person he consulted he took a single ingredient of POTENCY, before killing them and their followers so the SECRET COULD NEVER ESCAPE. Contains no MARMALADE. Trial price only £9.99'
I want to be a hit with the ladies. But £9.99! No way. It have given me an idea though. I would concoct my own linguistic version of Dr.Croc's potion. Using my sentence so far,
I snuck into the menagerie and scoffed the toxic waste.
as a base, I would add a word from each of the places the Dr had drawn his ingredients from. If I got it right I would have a verbal love potion that could be used again and again and have saved myself £9.99 into the bargain.
It wasn't easy, the dictionary is no light read. But I think I have them.
From the Buddhists I took 'bhikkhuni', a fully ordained Buddhist nun. From Peru came 'cherimoyer', a fruit resembling the custard apple, apparently. India gave me 'kasme', 'I swear!'. The hardest bit was guessing what he meant by strange rituals. After careful pondering, I decided he must have spent time with the Maori's and Hawaiians to learn these. So I took 'Aue!' and 'Hula!'
That was it. My ultimate chat-up line was complete and it didn't contain marmalade either. Just reading it over sends shivers down my spine. I cannot wait to see the effect it will have on the next girl I meet in a bar:
Aue hula, bhikkhuni! Kasme I snuck into the menagerie and scoffed the toxic waste. By the way, I like your cherimoyer.'
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