The end of the world is now more likely than not thanks to Andy Murray, British tennis ace. That was this evening's shock announcement from the Royal Society of Bibliomancers. While the rest of the country was on cloud nine, they were driving furiously towards their mountain cave bolthole, leaving nothing but this ominous press release:
"We, the Royal Society of Bibliomancers, appointed in the year 1012 to foretell of the coming of the end to the people of the land of Britain, believe that the end is nigh. We know you will probably not regard this press release with the seriousness they would have in the eleventh century but if anything that supports our claim. This is the first time in a thousand years the Bibliomancers have had a press release to make. We don't shit about, this is it.
Borne out of the studying of ancient mystical lore and an application of lost numerological equations to certain texts, the Bibliomancers have long held in their possession this prediction of the end of the world.
'Ye end finalle ande complete, shalle falle on thee lyk ane thunderclappe quhen these three thyngs shall passe: that which gives the universe masse shall be found, ane monthis rayne shalt falle in a day, ane Briton shalt wyn Wimbledon.'
It seems fairly black and white to us, you couldn't make this stuff up. The moment of eschatological verification is upon us. You have to admit it makes sense. It's been a portentous week to say the least. Interestingly, the ancient Bibliomancers also uncovered that the dinosaurs extinction was similarly presaged. A dinosaur from the ancient supercontinet of Gondwana won Wimbledon for the first time since the beginning of time. Two days later a giant meteorite, some say shaped as a tennis ball, landed.
Your call really, but we're off to the hills."
After the linguists accuracy earlier in the week over the God particle debate, it seems unwise to ignore the Bibliomancers at the end of it.
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